This year I'm totally on my own. The first three weeks of December this year, I shut down completely. I buried my head in the sand so to speak, hoping not to have to go through this experience. About a week ago, just passed the 1st anniversary of his passing, I came out of my fog. I went to the cemetery, laid a rose on his grave. It was a most dismal day, weather-wise, until we neared the National Willamette Cemetery, which sits on a hill up past Portland. There the sun was shining and it was near 50 degrees. It was a wonderful moment of sun and blue skies up on that hill, overlooking Washington across the Columbian River. The air was so clear we could easily see three snow capped volcano peaks. Mt. St. Helen, nearest, Mt. Rainier just to the right, and then more to the right, Mt. Adams. As soon as we left, however, the sun moved on and we were back in the dismal fog and dark, log hanging clouds. My spirits had been lifted, not just for that brief moment in time, but the sunshine, even though otherwise still dark and dreary most of the week, has remained in my heart.
I never put up my tree or decorations. I fully intended to, but as each day passed, I talked myself out of it. No matter, I do have gobs of cards placed on all exposed pieces of furniture, and dozens of Christmas goodies. I won't be able to eat them all and everyone that comes by I pawn off a few samples here and there. I did put out red end-table mats and some red and white candy dishes and a pair of birds in winter garb and wearing ice skates. The mats, red candy dishes, and the skating birds I bought new this year.
The last two weeks I've attended church. That helped. Tomorrow we'll have the Bell Choir as part of the Christmas program again. I'm looking forward to that.
I've been rising early in the morning and pretty much staying up most of the day. Yesterday was a long day, as I never seemed to be able to nap. But when I laid my head down to sleep, I was asleep within minutes.
I've returned to where I left off drafting the novel for NaNao—Dead in the Water at Mallard River Bend. It feels good to write again. And today I just intend to write, work on my scrunchies. Later I will open the presents I received and have some low-fat eggnog. I'm watching out for my gall bladder. So nibbling will be at a minimum.
Merry Christmas family, friends, and all….
